I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
