I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
