Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
