Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Houston, we have a blender
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
