Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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