Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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