oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
