theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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