Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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