ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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