Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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