Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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