I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
