fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
