drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
