i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
be right there i have to get my cape
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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