Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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