Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
