There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
