I hate your face
I look better un-naked...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
