i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my liver is dry heaving
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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