somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
