i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
