God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
