omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
