i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
