can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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