It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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