Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
