Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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