i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
