try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
