He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
