I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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