I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
