he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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