We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
