did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
