He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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