first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
