Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
