he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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