Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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