my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
