Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
