Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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