"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
