Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
