god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
