Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
