Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
