Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
