Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
