It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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