I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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