Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
