i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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