not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
