Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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