question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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