So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
