question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
