1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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