Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
