She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
