Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
