I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
