You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
