The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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