I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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