I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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