I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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