No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
