This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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