having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
