Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
