you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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