Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
