I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize